Also, it's not serious at all, so don't read it if you want a real story. Any errors can be pointed out, since I seem to have issue with switching between past and present when I write, etc :P
Carlos: life of a Mexican penguin
Prologue: Carlos is a penguin, with a moustache styled like the Monopoly guy. He's a Mexican and he wants to live a better life, using his pubestache against more American opponents so he can make a better living.
Chapter 1: Onward North
Carlos figures it'd make more sense to just go to America. His first attempt was to cross normally, but he got stopped at the border. Next on his list, was flying.
Being a penguin, flying isn't a very logical method of crossing from Mexico to the US. Carlos knew this, so he decided to gather supplies. After a few hours of searching he managed to find a piñata, a taco, a pair of water wings, a lot of broken and damaged wood, and a bicycle that has a broken pedal. Through process of elimination he figured he could try making a ramp without nails, which every good Mexican can, and he tries riding his bike off of it for a starting boost. Sadly, Carlos isn't a very good Mexican after all, so his ramp fell apart and he had to stop himself with his pubestache.
Carlos' bike is down in the river now, and his ramp is in scraps, so he was left with a piñata, taco and water wings. Out of ideas, he started to improvise and he ate the taco, poked a hole into the piñata and fucked it, and put on the water wings, swimming out to Florida.
After a few days of swimming, Carlos realized that he should've planned things better because he ended up in France with a wet pubestache and a few predators on his ass.
Chapter 2: Vive la baguette!
Carlos was relieved to see that the immense odours emitting from France drove his predators away. And, since he had an awesome moustache he was instantly accepted as a friend in the French community. Sadly, everyone seemed to be speaking in tongue; it was similar to Carlos' language but it made him feel like puking all over the place, eating it, then puking it back again. But, this didn't stop Carlos because he was in love.
Sure, it was just a combination of water, flour, yeast, and salt, but Carlos was hooked. He decided to buy a whole load of this doughy wonders for his own personal use, but he had no money, and no ideas.
When out of nowhere came a giant meteor! Carlos saw that it was soaring through the sky right toward a river and he quickly put his pubestache to action as he stopped the meteor in seconds. The people of France were overjoyed to smell some of the burnt hairs from his pubestache, as it was far better than the permanent smell of body odour in the atmosphere.
Carlos was given a medal and $10 for his efforts, so he finally had enough for a few baguettes, which he fucked, filled up with his juices, and donated to starving orphans.
Chapter 3: Like Hell, but with crumpets
Carlos found himself on the streets of France as an entertainer, doing obscene things the people have never seen before, like showering. After a few days he had enough for a plane ticket out of there, so he bought some more baguettes, and boarded a plane to New York City.
Since Carlos was a Mexican penguin with an awesome moustache he drew a lot of attention on the plane, and he didn't like it. After a while he stormed into the bathroom to be more private with his baguettes. Of course, since baguettes are nymphos, it didn't take Carlos too long to join the mile high club.
Carlos wasn't getting as much attention and he'd thought. It turns out the passenger beside him was a terrorist; turban and all. So, when Carlos left the bathroom and was heading back to his seat, he couldn't help but notice everyone was freaking out and jumping out of the plane.
Since all of the cool kids were doing it, Carlos took a little girl's parachute, pushed her out of the plane without it, and used it to leave the plane himself. Carlos could see Hell itself as he fell toward land with his parachute open. There were groups of men making out and 'smoking fags'. He also saw an uncomfortable amount of people drinking tea and wearing funny hats.
Carlos was very upset to see that he landed safely, seeing that he was now in the streets of London, England.
Chapter 4: Nev ran out of material
As stated in the prior chapter, England is the homosexual equivalent of Hell. In order to escape, Carlos had to improvise, and within seconds, he decided to divide by zero. Since the calculator says you can't, a wormhole opened beside our brave hero, and he found himself down under, where people do nothing but tan and finish sentences with the word mate.
Carlos found himself in every public washroom he could find, flushing all of the toilets and seeing them spin the other way. And it was that point that Carlos knew Australia would be awesome. In no time he had himself a few platypi, so he could gather their eggs and throw them at people's houses. Unfortunately, Carlos was scammed and left with nothing but gay platypi that wanted to do nothing but watch Richard Simmons videos and complain that they were too fat.
Carlos didn't give a shit at this point, so he just jumped off of the eastern coast and found himself with some sting rays. He died Steve Irwin style; it was hilarious.